Post by Kynikos on May 6, 2024 13:08:28 GMT -4
incredibly, i remember the password and account name. anyway hi, i'm madelyn - or once upon a time, mark(jarkson, god what an incredible name). wow that thing's old and dusty isn't it. i have to admit i come from a group that precedes most of the people i see here, although i do note and remember certain people. i'm at work and bored, one thing led to another, and i ended up stumbling back here. this place is wild, but i saw tim's thread and i thought 'hey that's a pretty cool way to close that chapter of my life' so here. for all those wondering how a slightly insane trans woman turned out:
funnily.
i'm now on medication for my mental disorders which have mostly calmed down my most violent bipolar tendencies. i went to higher education for a while and flailed around a while. i got a wild breadth of subjects that include engineering, journalism, biology, differential equations, etc but never actually finished anything. i got very popular, had a bit of an episode where i spent basically all my time socialising (it turns out you can have lots of friends if you don't go to class, skip your responsibilities, dodge eating, and sleep very little), and proceeded to escape from basically everyone who once knew me irl because those suckers were toxic. i think i left rpf as a whole right as i was being sexually harassed/assaulted by one of my teachers and the healing process for that was long and ugly. it is true what they say about trans women: we sure are vulnerable.
i still hang out with one person from rpf and we 'grew old' together or whatever. i need to reply to them on discord actually, i'll do that in a bit. i have a long-term girlfriend now (proposing is in the cards and something i'm still mulling over) and a generally stable sense of self, coherent identity, and a lot more pride than i once did. my life got worse after rpf, not because rpf died or i left or whatever but that was just the trajectory of my life. i've rebounded pretty well and i do have genuine pride in myself for once in my life. i'm a lot more accepting as my identity as a trans woman and like most women with a social and flirtatious streak, i enjoy the attention (to a point). i still read a lot, mostly seeking to repair my horrendously poor schooling. my first years in higher ed were a lot of 'remedial'. i have a book on evolution to get through and after that, i'm thinking i will finally read house of leaves and pick up shirley jackson. i work as a paralegal currently, but before that i was an editor/writer/researcher for college student stuff. now i'm actually going to start having a serious writing career as opposed to what i had of freelancing. actually sitting down and getting a whole novel published, which is something that still seems surreal to me. i couldn't imagine anyone on rpf managing to publish a novel, much less myself. here i am, though.
i have somewhat socially transitioned and will be going on hrt sometime this year, a fact that fills me with immense relief and probably the 'true' end of what i was before, which means closing things down, locking up, and turning the lights off. i am unrecognisable to who i was ten years ago and soon, i will be unrecognisable again. but ultimately, i'm happy or as happy as i can reasonably get. compared to where i was when i left, my life got a lot worse and then a lot, lot better. mental disorders are rough. my hobbies are fairly similar to what they were before - i read, i write, i play and listen to music, i have an interest in board games (my nerdiest hobby and my affixiation for spirit island does not help), and i occasionally play video games still. i'm a normal mid-twenties woman with a rough childhood for the most part. it's something i'm really proud of, considering a decade and a half ago, that's what i wanted. a normal woman with elegance, strength, pride, and just being alive. those goals are accomplished and now i can do the normal stuff people usually have as their goals: write a book, move with my girlfriend, propose, buy shoes, read something by lenin.
that's my life post-rpf. maybe i'll show back up in ten years and give an update, but i feel... really happy to be able to put a close on this. unlike others, i have no strong hatred for my time in rpf. i was a mentally ill trans girl and that's exactly what it looked like. nothing more complex and nothing less. i always thought the way rpf was killed was bleak - a pretty forcible cutting off for a period of my life, a period where my only human contact was through really shit internet. it's a bit of a rough continuance but it is a continuance.
i'd also like to say hi to the user-formerly-known-as-purring (i saw the change in gender, congratulations, i'm sure there's a haus of decline comic for this sort of feeling). you were (are?) cool. i don't really see many other people i remember besides tim (congrats on the personality upgrade my man), creative (yeah this is a vague memory), and bebi.
good luck and have a nice life
funnily.
i'm now on medication for my mental disorders which have mostly calmed down my most violent bipolar tendencies. i went to higher education for a while and flailed around a while. i got a wild breadth of subjects that include engineering, journalism, biology, differential equations, etc but never actually finished anything. i got very popular, had a bit of an episode where i spent basically all my time socialising (it turns out you can have lots of friends if you don't go to class, skip your responsibilities, dodge eating, and sleep very little), and proceeded to escape from basically everyone who once knew me irl because those suckers were toxic. i think i left rpf as a whole right as i was being sexually harassed/assaulted by one of my teachers and the healing process for that was long and ugly. it is true what they say about trans women: we sure are vulnerable.
i still hang out with one person from rpf and we 'grew old' together or whatever. i need to reply to them on discord actually, i'll do that in a bit. i have a long-term girlfriend now (proposing is in the cards and something i'm still mulling over) and a generally stable sense of self, coherent identity, and a lot more pride than i once did. my life got worse after rpf, not because rpf died or i left or whatever but that was just the trajectory of my life. i've rebounded pretty well and i do have genuine pride in myself for once in my life. i'm a lot more accepting as my identity as a trans woman and like most women with a social and flirtatious streak, i enjoy the attention (to a point). i still read a lot, mostly seeking to repair my horrendously poor schooling. my first years in higher ed were a lot of 'remedial'. i have a book on evolution to get through and after that, i'm thinking i will finally read house of leaves and pick up shirley jackson. i work as a paralegal currently, but before that i was an editor/writer/researcher for college student stuff. now i'm actually going to start having a serious writing career as opposed to what i had of freelancing. actually sitting down and getting a whole novel published, which is something that still seems surreal to me. i couldn't imagine anyone on rpf managing to publish a novel, much less myself. here i am, though.
i have somewhat socially transitioned and will be going on hrt sometime this year, a fact that fills me with immense relief and probably the 'true' end of what i was before, which means closing things down, locking up, and turning the lights off. i am unrecognisable to who i was ten years ago and soon, i will be unrecognisable again. but ultimately, i'm happy or as happy as i can reasonably get. compared to where i was when i left, my life got a lot worse and then a lot, lot better. mental disorders are rough. my hobbies are fairly similar to what they were before - i read, i write, i play and listen to music, i have an interest in board games (my nerdiest hobby and my affixiation for spirit island does not help), and i occasionally play video games still. i'm a normal mid-twenties woman with a rough childhood for the most part. it's something i'm really proud of, considering a decade and a half ago, that's what i wanted. a normal woman with elegance, strength, pride, and just being alive. those goals are accomplished and now i can do the normal stuff people usually have as their goals: write a book, move with my girlfriend, propose, buy shoes, read something by lenin.
that's my life post-rpf. maybe i'll show back up in ten years and give an update, but i feel... really happy to be able to put a close on this. unlike others, i have no strong hatred for my time in rpf. i was a mentally ill trans girl and that's exactly what it looked like. nothing more complex and nothing less. i always thought the way rpf was killed was bleak - a pretty forcible cutting off for a period of my life, a period where my only human contact was through really shit internet. it's a bit of a rough continuance but it is a continuance.
i'd also like to say hi to the user-formerly-known-as-purring (i saw the change in gender, congratulations, i'm sure there's a haus of decline comic for this sort of feeling). you were (are?) cool. i don't really see many other people i remember besides tim (congrats on the personality upgrade my man), creative (yeah this is a vague memory), and bebi.
good luck and have a nice life
