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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2017 23:49:26 GMT -4
Do non-dysfunctional families* exist in real life? From my experience, at least, I've never been in one, and hearing from friends, theirs don't sound so great either. It seems like there's always at least one person who ruins it for someone/everyone else somehow, and it just gets ugly. I think good and healthy families probably exist somewhere out there, but I have yet to experience one myself.
So, what do you people on a small online community have to say about this? Do you or someone you know live in the elusive "good, healthy family"? Does that even exist? Is humanity doomed? Post your thoughts here.
*"Families" can range anywhere from actual blood relatives to a close friend group of some sort.
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Post by Bannanachair on Nov 5, 2017 3:05:42 GMT -4
Marked because I want to put some thought into my answer. I have several ideas but I'll type them all up later.
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Post by Bannanachair on Nov 5, 2017 11:08:13 GMT -4
Before I share my own thoughts on this issue I would like to share a New York Times article I found which claims that less stable households produce more creative thinkers, and that we are all creative thinkers here (and that that's what brought us together as a community), so maybe this dataset is skewed somewhat to begin with. Either way, I'll share my thoughts either in an hour if I can't sleep or tomorrow after school if I can. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2017 11:18:00 GMT -4
I mean, this is a small community, so it's skewed either way, but I still want to hear people's say on it.
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Post by Bannanachair on Nov 5, 2017 12:01:33 GMT -4
So here's my answer to your question, I guess (and keep in mind that I am listening to this while listening to my dad's girlfriend making loud moaning sounds late at night, so I may be a bit harsher than I normally would be due to having to listen to that). I have mixed views on the matter: Most family units are dysfunctional, but groups of friends can vary from being even more dysfunctional to not dysfunctional at all.
First, we'll need a definition of family. There's the man of the house, his wife, their 2.1 kids and dog, but I think you mean it in a more general context. However, I think I should first address the nuclear family: I have met people who live within such a family structure and seem to enjoy it, but they are the exception and not the rule. Between a family of 5 people (two parents and three kids, what my household was until I was eight) there are ten different interpersonal relationships. If even one of them is dysfunctional, the entire household will break apart. This normally manifests in the deterioration of the marriage initially and then in the kids disagreeing with parents over generational divides, but intergenerational warfare and divorce are commonplace enough to be normal rather than dysfunctional. If you find these to be dysfunctional things, then great, you have your answer, but if you take them to be the normal, non-dysfunctional occurrence, then I would say that there are many "healthy" families that hate one another.
I have a large list of grievances with how families are meant to be structured, from the heteronormative "one mother, one father" approach to parenting, romantic and sexual monogamy, marriage being a permanent, hard-to-change relationship status, society placing the burden of raising children upon the parents and siblings being forced to live within the same household for eighteen years, but I fear that would be extraordinarily tangential. However, that very list of all of the external factors pressuring the nuclear family unit to stay together may just very well be what is killing it - most people aren't built for it. Some people aren't built for marriage, some aren't built for raising children, and I honestly can't live with other people, preferring to style my bedroom as separate from the household and being unable to sleep while sharing a room. If the majority of people can not handle all of the things which I have mentioned, then even if one member of the family can, if the rest have their own bones to pick with the system, you have a dysfunctional household. Some of these barriers are being broken down - with gay marriage legalized it's at the very least possible for homosexuals to be happy, and when divorce was made easy several decades earlier it allowed unhappy couples to break up, but the entire idea of a "family" has too many particulars that may not appeal to people.
For the record, I am not saying that monogamy or marriage or heterosexuals or raising children are bad things, but forcing them down people's throats is a pretty shitty thing for society to be doing.
Aside from that, I do believe that non-dysfunctional groups can exist, if you stretch the definition of the term and ignore one or two things. It's more useful to look at every single relationship between two people rather than an entire group dynamic for this, I think. If daddy hits mummy you have a dysfunctional household even if both parents are great with the kids and the kids are great with one another. Likewise, if you have a group of friends and two people really dislike eachother, it will sour the whole group. However, in the case of friend-groups and "chosen families", you can choose who you consider part of the "family". Purring, I would like to think that you and I have a relatively healthy interpersonal relationship: I certainly bear you no ill will and I have seen nothing from you to indicate that you desire me to come to harm. Therefore, I would say that in the group of two people, you and me, the group is not dysfunctional. If you analyze every single friendship you have as between you and one other person, rather than between you and a group of people, you will very quickly find that you have lots of non-dysfunctional relationships.
Well, great, but that's just two people. Can larger groups exist? Of course they can! I get along well with Pawz, and she with me, and the last I checked neither you nor she wanted the other dead, so, because she's a mutual friend of the both of us, she's a member of our group of friends as well, completely and utterly nondysfunctional. Happy seems to get along well enough with the three of us, aside from one or two hiccups, so now it's a nondysfunctional group of four. Everyone loves Duck, so it's a nondysfunctional group of five. And you can keep on adding people to the "friend group" based off of who everyone in the group so far all gets along well with. The people who you don't get along with or who abuse/manipulate you (and/or are abused/manipulated by you) are better left alone, and as far as a group of friends is concerned, you are allowed to not consider that person a member of your friend-family.
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Post by Bannanachair on Nov 5, 2017 12:03:27 GMT -4
The short version of what I had to say: Fuck being forced to like people that you wouldn't normally like, that's a load of bullshit. Choose your own friends and you'll have better relationships for it.
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Post by snowy happy on Nov 5, 2017 14:47:39 GMT -4
This thread clearly implies that Purring has been in a multitude of different families before
Implications!
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Post by Baise-moi on Nov 5, 2017 20:34:51 GMT -4
Seems that they do, but I managed to avoid living in one, just as many people I know have.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2017 23:37:28 GMT -4
This thread clearly implies that Purring has been in a multitude of different families before Implications! families* *"Families" can range anywhere from actual blood relatives to a close friend group of some sort.... |
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Post by Τι κοιτάς ρε on Nov 18, 2017 3:18:11 GMT -4
I like to think my household is pretty stable.
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